THE Nth DEGREE: THE STRAIGHT DOPE
IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME
by N













I just discovered a reality television show called The Bachelorette. I quickly learned that the reality show was about twenty five men competing for the attention and affection of one woman.

I was floored; some lucky girl gets to date twenty five guys at the same time and go on fantastic dates. Not to brag, but it sounds like a page out of my own date book. Only without the television cameras, the creepy guys screened out, and the fantastic dates. Well, okay, so nothing like my life. I was so excited.

So fast forward to last Monday night, there I was in my wife-beater and boy shorts with my red wine and a bowl of pasta the size of my head watching the Bachelorette. (I’ll diet tomorrow, relax!) Like my life could be more depressing. Instead of actually dating, I curl up on my chaise lounge and voyeur into the Bachelorette’s dates.

While living vicariously, I learn that the Bachelorette is a cute little brunette from the South. My immediate reaction was great, awesome, the Wholesome Cheerleader Type. (I wanted to vomit. I hate women like this.) Then I found out that she was a reject from the Bachelor. Now, I vowed to mute the volume each time she opened her mouth. No need for me to have to hear her cutesy shit and depressing stories too.

Bring on the men!

There they were the last seven of them. Adorable. (Yeah, I know. I started watching late; twenty five down to seven. The first eighteen were probably hideous man beings and a waste of space anyway.) I was in for a treat. Seven men all vying for my attention, I mean the Bachelorette’s attention. Why didn’t this happen in real life?

I started watching and listening to what the men were saying. The ones that had mind-blowing stunning good looks were either creepy, too vain, emotionally detached, and/or just douche bags. The ones who were nice, cute, and honest she booted off because of their looks or their “just friend-status.” She even snubbed a guy when he tried to kiss her on the cheek because he was “just too much like a friend.” That’s when I had the “Holy Crap” moment; this does happen in real life.

I realized my single friends and I do this daily. We weed out the men in our lives one by one. Nitpicking little things that make the good guys “just-friend” material and the douche bags our next big heartache. It’s not just me anymore throwing away a “good guy” to date the hotter asshole type. I finally understood; it’s part of our culture.

Women today are programmed by television, magazines, and other forms of media daily as to what to expect in a mate. We all say we look for humor, honesty, and an overall good personality. However, most media focuses primarily on the looks of such individuals and to be honest, so do we. I don’t think I’m superficial; but I know I have never heard the slogan “honesty sells” and I definitely have never spotted a man in a crowd and exclaimed to a friend, “Wow, did you see that “semi-attractive” man? I’m going to go talk to him before he and his mediocre looks disappear.”

Now I’m not saying that every single girl does this but a majority of us do or at least know a girl who does. (Hell, the Bachelorette is one of those girls.) There is nothing wrong with wanting to be physically attracted to the man you are dating or secretly want to be but sometimes we tend to get our own way of seeing “good guys” because they might not be as attractive as we expect them to be; i.e. too short, weird hair, messed up teeth, over weight. When it comes to relationship happiness, most of us are doing a too thorough job of weeding out men or in my case being a bit too picky. We complain aloud, “There are no good guys left!” When in actuality, there are. We have simply, by our own devices, weeded out the possibility of great dates, new and exciting relationships, and possibly our future husbands by not giving the “good guy/just friend” type the opportunity to date us.

My hope for myself and the Bachelorette is to get out of our own way when it comes to dating and see for once that the guys that may be “just friend” material may actually have something more to give. Who knows if I take my own advice maybe I’ll actually find my next husband or at least a good romantic date for Saturday night? Well here’s to watching to see what happens to the Bachelorette, dating with a little more acceptance, and giving the “good guy/just friend” types a fighting chance!

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