Nth DEGREE: THE STRAIGHT DOPE
I HEART ASSHOLES
by N
Given that we are all about dishing, divulging, and digging up dirt on the Nth degree, I feel the need to share my feelings with my new blog friends. Well here it goes; my relationship of two years came to abrupt halt last weekend and is now over. In fact, I was told just that. He said, “It is over for now!” Yes ladies, the spineless and manipulating coward actually used the words “FOR NOW!” As if I would wait for him to come into a miraculous state of enlightenment six months to a year from now when he finally gets his shit together, Sheesh!
Since then, I have been told numerous times by an overwhelming amount of people:
“He’s just not worth it!”
“He’s an asshole!” and my absolute favorite, “You’re so much better than he deserves!”
Still I find myself shooting him the 3am drunken text or the not so elusive “I love you and why did you leave me” email. (Yes, you’re not alone! I do this too!).
The truth is I love dating assholes. Seriously, the more of a douche bag he is the more I am attracted to him. I can’t let them go. (See previous sentence regarding drunken texts and emails.) I really am a dating masochist. I started to think if I was alone on this sort of masochism, but then I thought, so are many other women I know. What are we doing?
If you are a woman and you have been on at least one date in the past ten years, you know by now what I mean when I say we have all dated them; the assholes, the bad boys, the guys we thought we could change. We stick around for their bullshit excuses, lame compliments, and settle for everything we tell ourselves is not what we truly want.
“Oh, I definitely want a boyfriend who is emotionally detached, does not compromise, plays video games non-stop, is selfish in the bedroom, lives in his mom’s basement, has no job, refuses to talk to me when sports are on, yells, screams, and cheats on me?”
Why do self respecting, educated, women subject themselves to this? Well in my case, it was the mind-blowing sex, his sense of humor, and his fucking adorable smile. I thought in my relationship that I could change him and I thought I was not settling. However, here is the truth, we CAN’T change them and we ARE settling.
Take for instance this particular “over for now” douche bag. He was your run-of-the-mill pseudo nice guy. He began, as all douche bags do, by courting me; bringing flowers, texting/calling nonstop, taking me to fancy dinners, hanging out for casual beers in matching Red Sox jerseys, offering to help around my house, and even throwing out the uber early “I love you.” I was smitten. He was next husband! I honestly and truly can say I believed wholeheartedly that last statement. That was until we started getting more serious, talking about the future, and even possibly moving in together.
Enter the ASSHOLE.
He started by saying mean things occasionally, then he did not call as frequently. I started to think he could be seeing other people, and then as if by clockwork the screaming matches on the phone started to happen.
“Why are things falling apart?” I would always argue.
I completely ignored that he told me time and time again he would not move in with me, ever, our fights about his financial status, and the fact that his family thought I was the devil. I already knew the answer. It had come to fruition long before this last infamous call.
I had settled.
It took me a while and a lot of tears to come to terms with this fact. I recognized deep down that he wasn’t going to start buying me flowers again, send thinking of you cards, stop having a temper, get over what his mom thought about me, or move to Brooklyn. I knew what he was not willing or going to do but I hoped and prayed that he would. I felt like a desperate idiot! I started only thinking negative thoughts about relationships. Cynicism and bitterness sat in. I thought, “Why think positive? Look where that has gotten me!”
I know your saying, “But N, is it really that bad to believe in the positive and think that changes can be made?” In the beginning, when I was in love, I would have said, “Absofuckinlutely not!” But looking on it now with some distance, I think it can be somewhat detrimental. Unfortunately as women, we take this positive dream like stance on relationships. We metaphorically build and build and build a relationship “house” on a foundation of wobbly dreams and liquid hopes. That can’t work.
So, the only way to pull ourselves out of this masochistic and agonizing pattern, and into working, positive, wholesome relationships, is to rebuild. And if, just if, you are still like me and consider wanting to build a metaphorical relationship “house” with your former ASSHOLE, well then it will only logically stand under new construction plans; a reworking of the “foundation.”
My suggestion going through this now, as painful as it is, is to get out there and actually knock down or break apart the preexisting structure (the old relationship or the one we are settling for) and figure out what and why, if at all, it’s worth rebuilding. Hell, I already feel better about my break up just by picturing this crazy house building analogy in my head! Here’s to finding ourselves a qualified (and cute) new contractor! Happy Building!
I HEART ASSHOLES
by N
Given that we are all about dishing, divulging, and digging up dirt on the Nth degree, I feel the need to share my feelings with my new blog friends. Well here it goes; my relationship of two years came to abrupt halt last weekend and is now over. In fact, I was told just that. He said, “It is over for now!” Yes ladies, the spineless and manipulating coward actually used the words “FOR NOW!” As if I would wait for him to come into a miraculous state of enlightenment six months to a year from now when he finally gets his shit together, Sheesh!
Since then, I have been told numerous times by an overwhelming amount of people:
“He’s just not worth it!”
“He’s an asshole!” and my absolute favorite, “You’re so much better than he deserves!”
Still I find myself shooting him the 3am drunken text or the not so elusive “I love you and why did you leave me” email. (Yes, you’re not alone! I do this too!).
The truth is I love dating assholes. Seriously, the more of a douche bag he is the more I am attracted to him. I can’t let them go. (See previous sentence regarding drunken texts and emails.) I really am a dating masochist. I started to think if I was alone on this sort of masochism, but then I thought, so are many other women I know. What are we doing?
If you are a woman and you have been on at least one date in the past ten years, you know by now what I mean when I say we have all dated them; the assholes, the bad boys, the guys we thought we could change. We stick around for their bullshit excuses, lame compliments, and settle for everything we tell ourselves is not what we truly want.
“Oh, I definitely want a boyfriend who is emotionally detached, does not compromise, plays video games non-stop, is selfish in the bedroom, lives in his mom’s basement, has no job, refuses to talk to me when sports are on, yells, screams, and cheats on me?”
Why do self respecting, educated, women subject themselves to this? Well in my case, it was the mind-blowing sex, his sense of humor, and his fucking adorable smile. I thought in my relationship that I could change him and I thought I was not settling. However, here is the truth, we CAN’T change them and we ARE settling.
Take for instance this particular “over for now” douche bag. He was your run-of-the-mill pseudo nice guy. He began, as all douche bags do, by courting me; bringing flowers, texting/calling nonstop, taking me to fancy dinners, hanging out for casual beers in matching Red Sox jerseys, offering to help around my house, and even throwing out the uber early “I love you.” I was smitten. He was next husband! I honestly and truly can say I believed wholeheartedly that last statement. That was until we started getting more serious, talking about the future, and even possibly moving in together.
Enter the ASSHOLE.
He started by saying mean things occasionally, then he did not call as frequently. I started to think he could be seeing other people, and then as if by clockwork the screaming matches on the phone started to happen.
“Why are things falling apart?” I would always argue.
I completely ignored that he told me time and time again he would not move in with me, ever, our fights about his financial status, and the fact that his family thought I was the devil. I already knew the answer. It had come to fruition long before this last infamous call.
I had settled.
It took me a while and a lot of tears to come to terms with this fact. I recognized deep down that he wasn’t going to start buying me flowers again, send thinking of you cards, stop having a temper, get over what his mom thought about me, or move to Brooklyn. I knew what he was not willing or going to do but I hoped and prayed that he would. I felt like a desperate idiot! I started only thinking negative thoughts about relationships. Cynicism and bitterness sat in. I thought, “Why think positive? Look where that has gotten me!”
I know your saying, “But N, is it really that bad to believe in the positive and think that changes can be made?” In the beginning, when I was in love, I would have said, “Absofuckinlutely not!” But looking on it now with some distance, I think it can be somewhat detrimental. Unfortunately as women, we take this positive dream like stance on relationships. We metaphorically build and build and build a relationship “house” on a foundation of wobbly dreams and liquid hopes. That can’t work.
So, the only way to pull ourselves out of this masochistic and agonizing pattern, and into working, positive, wholesome relationships, is to rebuild. And if, just if, you are still like me and consider wanting to build a metaphorical relationship “house” with your former ASSHOLE, well then it will only logically stand under new construction plans; a reworking of the “foundation.”
My suggestion going through this now, as painful as it is, is to get out there and actually knock down or break apart the preexisting structure (the old relationship or the one we are settling for) and figure out what and why, if at all, it’s worth rebuilding. Hell, I already feel better about my break up just by picturing this crazy house building analogy in my head! Here’s to finding ourselves a qualified (and cute) new contractor! Happy Building!
posted by Malik Isasis at
12:04 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home