THE NTH DEGREE: THE STRAIGHT DOPE
LOVE, JESS
by N

















While opening my mailbox last Thursday, among the bills, magazines, catalogs, and junk mail, there it was. It was purple and required more than one postage stamp. The envelope had been addressed to my married last name and the addresser did not know my complete New York address. That is when I started to recognize the handwriting. I immediately looked up to the top left corner and was literally taken aback; I had dropped all of the mail onto my vestibule floor. I picked it all up and proceeded into my apartment disillusioned.

I placed the mail down on my couch and quickly sat off to do anything besides open it. I washed dishes, vacuumed, emptied trash cans and folded laundry. I knew I was wasting time. I sat down and opened all of the other pieces of mail lingering through new neighborhood restaurant’s menu flyers, the Victoria’s Secret catalog, and even meticulously looked at my cable bill charges. All the while realizing that the inevitable needed to happen; I had to open it.

I carefully lifted open the seal and pulled out a card, a letter, and multiple photographs. I went straight for the card. It had shoes on the front cover (one of my favorite things) and read: “Sometimes, the best thing to do is just look in the mirror and say…What shoes go best with this stress? Love, Jess.” The name in the card solidified my prior assumption. I went straight for the letter next. I started to read then stopped and reread like an anxious small child in front of a large group. Emotions swelled. Questions brewed. Why had it taken this long? Who did she think she was? I was furious and overjoyed all at the same time.

Jess was my friend from high school. We were inseparable and even resembled one another. We did everything together and were there for each other until two and a half years ago when she betrayed our friendship, challenged my decisions, and ultimately tossed me aside when I needed her the most.

She explained that she decided to write me because she had heard about a medical condition I was diagnosed with from my ex-husband. She said phrases like “it’s better late than never” and “what a better time than now.” She never said she was sorry or that she was wrong. What she did say is that she was happy “my dreams had come true” (meaning moving to NY and finding a great job) and that she missed me. She went on and on of times that I was there for her and great times we had together. She was unconsciously asking for my forgiveness and my friendship.

I viewed the pictures from years past filled with smiles and memories. I reminisced about how much fun we had on elaborate shopping adventures, vacations we had taken, concerts we had attended, remembered late night conversations on dating and our families. I was glad that she had sent them but began to cry. I was so frustrated and things were still so unclear. Why am I so important to her now that I am gone out of her life? Why couldn’t she have realized how important our friendship was to me?

I pulled myself together. I realized that it takes courage to write that type of letter. Our friendship must have meant something to her and I know she has her own reasons and apologies to her side of our story. Now I just need to figure out, with time and reflection, whether to accept or deny her new vow to an old friendship.

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