THESE WALLS

by Malik Isasis


















My walls are bare.

I’m sitting on the floor under a dimmed lamp in my empty apartment. All of my furniture has been either donated or trashed. All that is left is this lamp and my DSL connection.

It is quiet.

I am alone.

A staccato of images are flashing through my mind of the memories both painful and exuberant in this apartment. These walls have heard my cries, and laughter. It has absorbed 14 years of my life. It was only months ago that these walls witnessed my partner pack her clothes as she wept and stated with great uncertainty, but with clarity:

“I’m just ready to move on.”

These walls observed me stare numbingly for hours as I received the news of my father dying by way of a major thrombosis, only 24 months after losing my mother. It was these walls who first witness me jump into the air with a raised fist as I read my acceptance letter to graduate school; my acceptance into film festivals; when the girl returned my call.

These walls have observed things that are too embarrassing to speak of…but it knows of my insecurities, the me that only it has seen.

These walls are bare now, just like when I first met them. Paintings no longer adorn them, only pock marks where nails use to be, tells of its abandonment. But these walls have been here before. Like tenants before me, these walls have recorded my narrative to put with its collection of stories of tragedy and triumph.

The pock marks will soon be covered and the walls repainted; and then these walls will get on with the business of quietly observing without passing judgment on the humanity that lives within it.

Farewell, Seattle

For the past month it has felt as though I’ve been on vacation. My kind and beautiful friends have celebrated my decision to leave Seattle with elaborate celebrations and dinner parties. In some ways it feels like I’ve died and become a ghost watching my friends grieve. Some have become closer, while others have pushed away.

Since I’m not dead, I’ve chosen to be more present and appreciative of the relationships that I have and be aware of not taking those I love for granted.

This is not a goodbye Seattle, but see you later.

My decision to move to New York City was a difficult one but the right one; I had to listen to the universe--too many planets were aligning.

I look forward to starting anew in New York in every way and making a new community…but I leave my heart in Seattle.

Someday I will return home to collect it.

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